Feel a bit cheated of genuine shock and horror in last night’s Dr Who.

You may very well be aware that I am very harsh, but completely correct, in my contempt for Russell T Davies and all the despicable things he did to Dr Who whilst bringing it back.  I honestly think I could forgive Tony Blair for Iraq before I forgive RTD for Dr Who.  That’s how I feel about it.  However, this is not a snidey blog to go over once more a list of every failing I feel the show has, nor do I want to get an argument going about whether the old one or new one is the best or anything like that.

I want to complain about how I have been cheated out of an OMG moment that I should have had.

I naively thought that when Moffat took over he would revolutionise the show and innovate it and improve it and make it what it could (and I feel should) be.  I don’t really know what that is, if I am honest, but I know it isn’t anything like RTD Dr Who at all.  So it was quite a disappointment to me to find out that it is still like RTD Dr Who just occasionally better written, a bit funnier and finally filmed by people who understand where to put a camera and the narrative of editing.  I was despondent about this because it was the 4th disappointment I have faced with Dr Who:-They’ve cancelled it: BOO!
They are bringing it back: YAY! 
It’s an American TV movie and he’s half human now: BOO! 
They are bringing it back and RTD is writing it: YAY!
They’ve brought it back and RTD has written it: BOO!
RTD is leaving and Moffat is taking over: YAY!
It’s just the same as before and now he’s a child: BOO!

I was bemoaning the fact that I don’t like it and trying to come up with brilliant ways they could improve it and my friend pointed something out that genuinely upset me.  He pointed out that it will never improve or change or get any better because everyone already thinks it’s brilliant. 

I, however, believe that it has taken them three goes to, at best, achieve mediocrity,

That’s fine though, I have come to terms with that and I have moved on. It took a while, but I really have overcome with this.  It will never be the show I want it to be and it will never be the show I loved.  I have accepted I will in all likelihood never see another episode of Dr Who and then run around punching my fist in the air overjoyed at enjoying it like I used to.  I am fine with that, really.

The point I am getting to in a round about way is that whilst Moffat’s series hasn’t been completely shit like RTD’s ones, it hasn’t really upped it’s game like I hoped it would and it still feels like all the bullshit RTD put into place is mostly still there.  It’s still the shit RTD Dr Who, just done slightly better (but not actually well) and because of this I expect the worse from everything as nothing has yet happened to make me feel it will be any different. 

But it appears last night was meant to change that…

Last night Rory died.  I like Rory and he died.  This should have been shocking, unexpected and very sad, but it wasn’t, because RTD has cried wolf too many times in the past.  In all the RTD Dr Whos no-one ever died and stayed dead, no one ever got banished and didn’t come back.  Rose, The Daleks, The Cybermen, The Master, Mickey, Catherine Tate’s Memory all a testament to either lazy writing or contempt for the audience, legitimacy of drama and plausibility.  And I am not just saying that because I couldn’t stand the characters of Rose, Mickey or Donna and looked forward to them dying and never coming back, no.  It completely undermines any drama or tension if you know no one is really in any peril and even if they die they will come back.  I mean, how many times are last of the Daleks going to be eradicated and wiped out completely only to be seen again a fortnight later?  It’s not just RTD Who to be fair, it has happened in proper Who as well.  Over the years Only Fools and Horses is probably the only thing to have been needlessly and improbably brought back more times than the Master.  However, RTD brought him back twice with no good reason or explanation so he is still at fault.

Last night Rory died and rather than be sad or interested in this development, my first thought over this well performed and appropriately pitched death scene was “Christ, you’re milking this, aren’t you?  He’ll be back in the last episode, get on with it”.  And that was how I felt.  I felt like it was a cheap trick to fob us off with another death of assistant just to add some drama to excuse none being present in the preceding Silurian episodes that would then ultimately fold in on itself and prove to be false drama in the final two-parter of the series where everyone gets to come back for one last hurrah before everything is made alright and everyone lives happily ever after.

Then everyone started tweeting and blogging about how sad and shocked they were that Rory had died.  And that got me confused and the thought started creeping in: “Hang on, is Rory actually dead dead?  No one is EVER dead dead in Dr Who.  Is this like some out of left field attempt at doing stuff properly for a change?”I know It’s Moffat, as everyone keeps saying when I question anything suspect in season 5, as if that is some sort of catch all for excusing anything that happens. 

The problem is that it is still too much like RTD for me to think anything different is going to happen in resolution and, remember, three episodes in the fucking Daleks were back AGAIN.  But Rory might actually be really, properly dead.  And if he is, that is a really great, OMG moment and one I feel cheated out of due to Moffat’s insistence on keeping things the way RTD did it.  Moffat’s Who may have just killed a likeable character, erased him from history thus preventing Amy crying and looking out of windows the whole time and saving us a load of maudlin boredom a la RTD and all I could think was “What bullshit do we now have to endure to explain how he comes back at the end of the series?”

I don’t really have a conclusion to this other than Moffat’s tenure is occasionally doing things I want to happen like mostly being in space and having adventures with Aliens and no one crying about how lonely they are the WHOLE FUCKING TIME but because it’s still, basically, nothing more than a consistently slightly better version of RTD Who, it will always be a bit shit, because RTD Who was shit.  So when Moffat and his team do things that are interesting and unexpected they are wasted on an audience (or maybe it is just me) that expect a RTD denouement and resolution and, therefore, can’t really get the full benefit of what Moffat is trying to do (if indeed he is trying to do anything and I am not reading too much into Rory’s Death) if he insists on clinging to the wholly unsatisfying way RTD did things. But if he still wants to impress us with what he is doing with it then he needs to have the balls and the courage of his convictions to say “Fuck all that shit that happened before, this is how it is from now on.  I’m not gonna betray the new and loyal fanbase, but it will now be different, and it will better.  Because this is Dr Who and whatever stage you came to it, it’s the best show on TV and you deserve better”  And until he does that, things like Rory’s death will be a damp squid as Moffat hasn’t done nearly enough yet to show us he is different in a good way.

Lord Reith was once asked of his intentions for BBC content “Are you going to give the public what they want?” His reply was “Oh no, we’re going to give them something far better than that”. This is Dr Who, a beloved show, finally released from the clutches of an imbecile and we really should be getting something far better than that. 

We aren’t. 

So, I suppose what I am saying is that Rory, assuming he is actually dead (which I really struggle to believe), died in vain because the impetus on genuine drama & tragedy as well as comedy hasn’t been made clear enough in season 5 and the impact was almost totally softened because of this.

Still, I do like the way Matt Smith plays The Doctor.

Oh for goodness sake…

Apparently the personal opinion of a low level comedian (me) about some aspect of something he doesn’t like and thought he would bring up on what is basically an online forum is seemingly a news story requiring the production company to have to make a statement in defence of my accusations.

I wrote a thing for Chortle to go in the Correspondents thing they do where you write about things you notice about comedy because I really want £75 (which you get if yours is the best one of the month) and I wrote a piece about how the broadcast version of The Pursuasionists was, in my opinion, not a fair representation of how good the episode had been when I saw it being filmed during the warm up and how like most BBC shows it was ruined and undermined in post due to fake laughter being added and the timing being disrupted by editing which threw off the pacing of the scenes as happens a lot in BBC sit coms.  The article was edited for content very slightly (irony alert!) to take the blame off the BBC but it is the BBC I blame.  This never happens with CH4 anywhere near as badly.

Also, I worry it may appear that in trying to be objective about things like Jokes working/not working I may appear to be slagging off the show, which it is not my intention to do.  I had an awesome time doing the warm ups, The cast and crew and production company were all awesome, friendly and really good.  And, I really think the show is funny, well, what I saw being recorded was genuinely very funny and that was the nub of my piece.

In case you doubt this then look at my status update from the day the show was broadcast:-

“Persasionists on BBC 2 tonight. Me and Stu did some of the Studio warm ups and most of what I saw was genuinely very funny. As long as the BBC don't ruin it in post with fake/extra laughter where it isn't required and they don't edit the comic pacing out of it like they normally do, I think it will be a good show and well worth a watch... That is my opinion on the matter...”

And as that is exactly what happened I wrote about it…

I should just point out that no one has taken any offence as such or moaned to me personally but I thought it best to offer this pre-emptive strike in explaining my actions as I am not some whistle blower trying to fuck shit up, I just thought I would share my opinion of comedy post production as I had experience of both the shoot and the broadcast.

What doesn’t come across is that I thought the show was funny for all it’s PP techniques that I don’t like and that needs to be redressed.

This is my article here:- http://www.chortle.co.uk/correspondents/2010/01/15/10343/how_the_bbcs_brutal_edits_are_ruining_comedy which I didn’t title How The BBC’s Brutal Edits are Ruining Comedy, I called it Fixed in Post

Here is the now news worthy article with defence from Bwark http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2010/01/15/10345/editing_ruined_bbcs_new_comedy

Oh well, you live and learn.  Best to keep my opinion to myself on Twitter and Facebook…

Currently feeling shitty now as I have obviously inadvertently offended people I like and respect when it wasn't warranted and for all my use of the term 'fake laughs' instead of 'enhanced volume laughs' which rightly was right to be clarified there is no reason at all to make my opinion newsworthy and make a big thing out of it.

Having gotten back from London last Sunday I didn’t set foot outside the house until Friday just gone.  What with the snow and no work or any social/professional commitments I had no reason to go out so I didn’t.  5/6 days on my own in doors – does that make me a shut in?  I’d like to think it made me a recluse but I am nowhere near famous enough to be a recluse.  You have to someone people are aware of, someone whose disappearance or absence will be noticed to be a recluse.  I am not in that category.  I can’t even afford cold medicine…That makes me a shut in…

Still, got to spend quality time on Twitter and Facebook keeping abreast of everyone’s activities and it was like I was out and about socialising with everyone.  Apparently it snowed last week, thanks for the updates…

Friday I finally ventured out so see my old work colleague and fellow drinking enthusiast Mark from Southend College about my film project that I am doing in Feb.  he is a good dude and it was fun to pick his brains and catch up with him.  The afternoon talks quickly degenerated into full blown drinks and I ended up in the railway drinking with other people till last orders.  It was freezing cold and even the walk home from the station was enough to give me a proper cold that I still haven’t shaken off fully.

Saturday was a lovely day.  I felt a bit ill and the snow made me instinctively hurry back to my reclusive nature.  But I had to be brave, it was Russell Kane’s Wedding to Sadie.  It was a really great and fun time.  I don’t want to write too much about it as it is not my place to speak of others special days but, suffice to say, despite my hangover and possible pneumonia I had a great time and it was an awesome party.  And, yes, she looked lovely…

Other than that I am currently in the process of working out how to exchange my skills for money – I think they call it ‘work’.  I have none.  It is all pretty dire and I am at the ‘I’m sure I could get away with some crime’ stage of financial desperation.

I really shouldn’t do comedy.  If you largely fail at everything you do like I do then Comedy is just awful for your self esteem.  People won’t pay you, people won’t book you, people won’t audition you, people won’t showcase you and then if you get any of those things then the audiences can hate you.  I am currently trying not to get too carried away with the ‘fact’ that everyone else has a CBBC gig and I don’t.  Especially as Stu is off up Scotland for three months doing a show because the producers came to see Kiosk and liked him and not me – this is not an isolated incident, everyone with money and opportunity likes Stu more than me.  That’s how the professional business works and I accept that, it just makes me realise that I am not really thick skinned enough to do comedy for a job.  I don’t get jealous of everyone’s success, I don’t begrudge anyone fame or fortune, I just get completely psychologically crushed when things happen that I was never even considered for and I feel like giving up – which is a difficult mindset to talk yourself out of when the reason you feel like that is because you can’t get any work because no one wants to use for anything like they seemingly use every single other comedian.  Back to recluse/shut in again, I fear – seems I can’t quit till someone would give a shit that I have…

I also realised that nine times out of ten the only reason I carry on doing anything is out of sheer spite and that is not really the best way to proceed with your career.  I really don’t think your ultimate aim in life or business should be getting to a stage where you can legitimately tell everyone to go fuck themselves, even if it has been festering in you for about 12 failure heavy years.

Anyway, never mind all that inner turmoil and misery now.  I am making a film in Feb that should be awesome and exciting and lots of interesting and talented people have signed on to help out so exciting times are ahead.  I really can’t wait to do it!  Now all I need is some money…

This was a letter I was going to add to the comments of a shootingpeople.org survey about low paid work offers.  As it was so long I decided to blog it instead.

Probably not worth reading unless you are someone affected by the low pay in the film industry…

I am aware of the potential irony/hypocrisy in writing this given the film I am intending to make in Feb but I can’t help the timing…

This is not intended to slag off shootingpeople as a company or an agency as I think what they do is wonderful.  It is, as usual, people ruining it for everyone else….

++++++++++++

Dear Sir!

(I didn’t start it like that but in my head I now feel like someone who writes into the editor of The Times)

I find myself conflicted in believing that I should be able to commit to a project on whatever terms are offered should I want to, but I also feel strongly that everyone should get paid for their work if money is available.

I am a Filmmaker, Writer and Actor and I have been fortunate enough to build up a good base of friends and colleagues over the years who I know I can ask for free help as I am aware that giving up time to be in something is a big commitment and quite a favour.  I also do a lot of stuff for free for my colleagues but this is either going to be great fun or will genuinely be worth my while.  We are working media professionals, hardly rich and famous, but scraping a living from media related work (mainly comedy) and we are all fortunate enough to know that we are all, largely, in the same boat and have no problem in assisting each other with our projects.  We are very lucky in that regard and I appreciate that not everyone has the luxury of professional friends to draw on for cast and crew.

I have been fortunate to be part of some very interesting and career improving projects because I was available to work for free.  I don’t think anyone would say that if a genuine opportunity came along they would refuse it due to lack of pay.  The thing is, on shootingpeople it’s very rarely a genuine opportunity that comes along in the unpaid posts.

I myself have yet to post on Shootingpeople for help in anything I am making because I would feel bad expecting a complete stranger to commit to my projects in the same way as my friends and associates.  Asking someone to work for free is always largely taking the piss and I would not feel right expecting professionals unknown to me to commit to a project in which only I can really benefit from.

With regards to the general unpaid work situation on shootingpeople, I think that what is most frustrating about it is that people just expect it.  It is now taken for granted that whatever you do there will be a free and professional cast and crew available for it because everyone is looking for a break or an in or an opportunity.

I think we need to address the attitude that pervades within the posts (and, it would seem, the industry) that we should all be grateful of the opportunity to work for free on this film because it would be good for our CV. Believe me, 9 times out of 10 the project isn’t actually going to do anything for my CV – and my CV could do with something good on it.  It’s always nice to network and meet new professionals but I could do that whilst getting paid.  Expecting me to be over the moon that you have chosen me out of all the others to not get paid by you is a common mistake amongst posters and I know I am not the only one who takes an immediate dislike to the project and poster because of careless wording in what appears to be a callous post.

There is rarely a promise or even a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ that further work in the future will be your reward for collaboration.  Most people don’t even offer a deferred payment, which is still bollocks and meaningless as I have yet to meet anyone who ever got paid out on their deferred payment contract, but at least it sounds like you give a shit about your cast and crew.

It is very hard to fund, complete and distribute a feature film.  We all know this but please be aware that if you are making a feature film (or even a short) and you have no one you know to crew or perform then it just sounds a bit suspect that you wouldn’t have any contacts or colleagues that could fill the roles.  If you want to up your game and get experienced professionals in then you have to pay them - please stop asking for people with 5 years experience if you are only going to pay them something that would insult a first year degree student.  If you are going to send out a call asking for professional crew then you have to pay appropriately for professional help.  And if you are looking for actors then only ask them to give up a day or so and not commit to a whole week or more for bugger all.  If you want an office manager, £12000 p/a makes you and your company look like deluded amateurs.

Money is always an issue.  I have lost count of the times I have seen short film winners give an acceptance speech thanking everyone for working on the project for free otherwise the project would never have been made and I remember in her BAFTA award speech for best actress in Vera Drake, Imelda Staunton thanked the producer for getting the money so that everyone could be paid for the last week of filming as the film had run out of money. 

Even Mike Leigh couldn’t pay his crew.  The point is, it was a Mike Leigh film and I know I would not be so annoyed working for free on a Mike Leigh film because that actually is something worth putting on my CV and a genuine networking opportunity.  The problem is, if we are still going to need to work on projects for free while any changes that might be made to minimum wage are put into place I personally would like a better idea of exactly how worth my while the project is going to be.  

One post might be for the new BAFTA winning short and one might be for an amateur to find out they can’t make films.  The point is, they will both require the same thing – free cast and crew.  I would like to get paid, of course, but if I have to do one of those for free I would rather do the BAFTA one.  

The problem when offering your services for free is working out who are the new, enthusiastic filmmakers who genuinely can’t pay and who are the lazy, cynical filmmakers who simply won’t pay.  I am getting a bit of tired of applying for posts, meeting people that I am, basically, doing a favour and then realising they are not people worth doing business with.  It is a lot of time and effort and money on my part to discover that they don’t know what they are doing and that I don’t want anything to do with them. 

Of course I want paying but I honestly don’t mind working for free as long as it is clear that the person making the project isn’t shit or taking the piss in asking for my commitment and involvement to the project.  It would really be nice if there was some way in the postings a project could be flagged as ‘free but worth it’.  I know that is flippant and I know you can’t do that because it would be insulting to any project not given that category and would never work within the ethos of the site, but that is really the assurance I need – some indication that the film I am offering my services for is the unpaid gig that is actually worth my while being a part of and I would strongly urge shooters to take a lot of time and care in submitting their request for unpaid assistance – we are doing you a favour after all, please ask nicely and don’t expect or demand our help.  That would go someway to make unpaid work less of an irritation.

+++++++++++

Well, that got a lot off my chest…

Mundane details of my life to continue tomo

 

 

Well, it’s snowing.  Just thought I should mention it in case you hadn’t noticed and no-one else had told you yet.  It’s an odd feeling having a snow day as I have no job or anything unpleasant for it to mercifully cancel, nor do I have anything awesome I want to still be able to go to until the weekend.  In fact I don’t have to leave the house for anything until Saturday afternoon so all this snow is largely wasted on me.

I went into GOSH! Comics on Saturday to buy some comics.  I like it in GOSH! and I like the people who work there and, some of them, I can actually say are my friends without getting carried away or being deluded as to the reality of the situation.

However… I went in on Saturday and I didn’t recognise a single employee working there – and would go as far as to say that I hadn’t even seen either of them before.  What the-?  I mean, I don’t ask for much from my comic book shops, all I ask is that the staff are all people that I have met previously, who know me personally by name (whether they want to or not!) and who are all too polite to tell me to leave them alone when I spend the mandatory 90 minutes in the shop making them all behind schedule with their work while I talk to them about what comics are out, how they doing, what films they have seen and generally shooting the breeze about what I am up to.  But this time I just went in, had a look about at the comics, bought Scalped 5 and Dodgem Logic, paid for them and left – all in under 7 minutes.  What a waste of my afternoon! 
Perhaps if anyone from GOSH! is reading this you could maybe email me on a weekly basis with everyone’s shifts so I know when is the best time to come in – I promise not to keep asking if you have any Garfield books in…

 

Other than that I am currently trying to drum up work and sort out the logistics of the film I am doing in February.  This mainly entails finding out who wants to be in it, when they can commit to it and what sort of thing they would like to do as their contribution.

 

I have also decided to write a play for Radio 4.  Only problem is, like most writers who recognise this as an important stage of the “getting in” process and know they had better write a play for Radio 4 at all costs, I have no idea what to write it about – I just know that I need to get a play on Radio 4 if I want to consider myself a proper writer.  I am sure that it is with that attitude that all the best work is written…

Well, so this is 2010 is it?

Had a pretty low key but still enjoyable New Years Eve.  I stayed in with Elmsy and Darren, both of whom weren’t drinking.  I was drinking Sparkling wine because I am classy.  Not really sure what to do so we watched Return of the living dead and Alien3.  In many ways, a great way to spend New Years Eve.  As a result I wasn’t really all that drunk or hung over the next day.

Went out Saturday and got obliteratedly drunk.  Ridiculously drunk.  Drunk to the point where you wake up feeling hideously guilty, sure that you must have done something awful.  You must have…I had been in the Green Man drinking Cider from 3ish to see Stu before he goes off to Scotland for three months to film his CBBC show.  The show that he got because the producers came and saw Kiosk of Champions and liked him and not me and so gave him a TV gig and not me. 

I am not bitter.

Then later Stu suggested we went up Kings Cross for Dan Atkinson’s birthday, which was great fun and I think I got away without pulling any nonsense.  I am a good drunk and don’t fight or go mental or anything like that so I am not really worried that anything is amiss.  I remember snippets of things like suggesting Tim Key was drinking my drink but wanting him to have it as I had too much to drink on the table.  He explained that the drink was his and I am pretty sure he was 100% correct.  Sorry Tim.  I remember getting to the point where I was too drunk to have a conversation and too tired to want to have one and not being as erudite as possible in explaining that I cannot talk right now.  Other than that I think it was fine.  I’m sure it was…

Thing is I always feel odd socialising with Comedians because I never know how friendly we are.  Don’t misinterpret that as me saying that all comedians are unapproachable miseries, in actual fact I have usually found it the opposite.  Most comedians that I have met are usually very pleasant and polite and approachable in company.  The main thing that I have is never being sure if comedians know who I am even if we have gigged together or spoken in Edinburgh.  I mean, I know it’s a party so mingling is not an issue but presented with a group of my peers, it is very hard to gauge instantly who is someone I can actually chat to and who is someone I should really just say hello to and not bother – as I say, not because they are obnoxious or too famous to approach, but because I don’t know if they remember me or like me as well as I remember them. Also, it is hard to work out if you have gigged with them or whether you have seen them on TV or just met in the Brooke’s Bar in Edinburgh.

I’ll give you an example of how I am baffled by socialising with comedians. I was in Edinburgh this year and Rhod Gilbert bought me a drink (quick, call the tabloids!).   Now, what made this weird was that it was pretty much out of the blue and he asked me by name if I wanted a drink.  I have never gigged with him or, as far as I remember, even socialised with him yet here he was speaking to me by name buying me a drink.  I wouldn’t have thought he even knew who I was yet, apparently, he did.  This is the sort of thing that causes me to be completely in a turmoil whenever I am confronted with Comedians in a social environment. 

I am fully aware I am being a dick worrying about that sort of thing in the minute detail that I do, yet worry I do…

Anyway, the minefield of doubt and concern quickly elapsed when it became clear that the people at the party I knew were all cool.  Phew!

Party over and 11 hours of drinking later I head off to crash round my mates house in Canada Water.  It is not as swanky as that sounds.  I slept on his floor but the floor wasn’t long enough for me to stretch out fully.  I had to use my coat as a pillow – it was that sort of proper crashing that I haven’t done for years…Fine really but I think I got no sleep as I was too drunk and uncomfortable to pass out so had to keep moving to try to induce calm and sleep…

Next day I had to walk to Fenchurch Street as there was no way over the river by foot other than Tower Bridge.  It was a nice walk and I didn’t feel all that bad other than tired.  It was genuinely very pleasant walking along the Thames on a lovely, sunny winter’s morning.

I got in and resisted the temptation to have a kip instead using my tiredness as a perfect excuse to sort my body clock out.  In bed at 11pm and watching Sapphire And Steel has worked a treat…

I watched the original Alfie while chain drinking coffee with my mum.  I haven’t seen it for years and I really enjoyed it.  Haven’t seen the remake and can’t really work out how it would work in a largely permissive society where most things that were taboos or socially restraining in Alfie no longer apply or if they do they don’t apply in the same way that they did in the 60’s.  It’s a question to go unanswered I fear as it is very likely I will watch the remake.

I think I have now had all the blow outs that the Christmas Period can allow so it now time to knuckle down to sorting 2010 out and rocking it hard.

 

I have made no resolutions as they are pointless.  However, my aims include getting paid for the work I did in 2009.  In fact, that is my only aim.  2010 will be a great year if I just get paid.

Yesterday I got an email about a petition to stop the execution of Akmal Shaikh, the mentally ill Asian man in China who has now been executed for drug smuggling.  Have no fear, I am not going to be making light of that or attempt to sarcastically explore any of the issues surrounding capital punishment, the culpability of mentally ill criminals or our relationship with China in this blog, don’t you worry about that…

What I do want to address, however, is the thing I noticed in the email asking for my support that I see mentioned an awful lot in things like this.  It stated the argument that if he was “white and from Chelmsford” then the media would have intervened and, at the very least, given a shit.  Now, I understand this attitude and there is a lot of truth behind the sentiment.  There is an excellent bit in the excellent Shooting Dogs where the war reporter explains the difference between Bosnia and Rwanda as being that in Bosnia all the dead people could have been her mother or her daughter but in Rwanda it’s just another dead African.  This sort of attitude does prevail globally so I understand the righteous anger of such a statement.  It’s just that, without wishing to sound unduly flippant, it’s a bit mean to Essex.  Essex always gets this treatment.  Any cause worth getting behind that is being ignored is often epilogued with “If this was a builder from Basildon/Hairdresser from Romford/Student from Southend then the media would be all over it”.

I know Essex is awesome and that everyone from Essex is the absolute embodiment of a National Treasure but it is ridiculous to expect anyone from Essex to gain preferential treatment in the media highlighting their cause. 

In fact, I can’t think of a single example of someone from Essex in trouble with foreign agencies being championed by the popular press.  There were two Egyptian Students that the Echo ran a piece about a few years ago but this cause was raised mainly due to all the hard work of the families and I saw nothing in The Guardian, Mirror or Mail about it…To be honest, I can’t even think of any examples of people from Essex who done wrong abroad and completely deserved their fate that have been condemned or even mentioned in the National Press.  Historically, culturally and legally I can’t think of any reason, let alone reasons, that Essex should always be considered an ignorant, white, den of iniquity with a media darling get out of jail free card.  Yet this is apparently how we are perceived throughout the rest of the UK.

Also, Championing in the press is largely the domain of the well to do middle classes and whilst Essex has some nice gentrified bits and a blossoming artsy population it isn’t anywhere middle class enough to get any broadsheets to give a shit about it.  Just compare the attitudes in the press to the Madeline McCann situation and the Shannon Matthews situation.  When both happened initially both appeared to be pretty much the same.  Only difference is that one was a tragedy, an awful disaster that befall two doctors on holiday in the Algarve and the other was only to be expected if you let people like that breed, it’s just what happens to those sorts of people.  Essex falls squarely in the latter category and, in case you are wondering, The McCanns are not from Essex.

The only other time I can think of any of the press really going to bat for someone British was the Louise Woodward baby drop thing in the US and that was years ago.  And that was really only because the world had just seen America let OJ Simpson get away with murder because the policeman who arrested him was racist.  Rather than deal with both issues separately they decided that they needed to pick the worst one and only deal with that and, unfortunately for the family of OJ’s murdered wife, racist cop beats murdering celebrity in American Law Top Trumps.  So, needless to say, when almost one week later (so it seemed) one of our girls was up on charges of accidental baby murder and the American legal system was gunning for her we sure as bloody hell weren’t gonna stand for another miscarriage of American justice regardless of whether she did it or not.  No Sireee!  We didn’t ask, we didn’t care, that wasn’t the point.  Our message was clear: you don’t let a clearly guilty murderer go and then try to throw the book at an English lady who may possibly not have done what you are insisting she did on purpose.  Also, again, Louise Woodward is not from Essex…

That’s it really, just think of us Essex folk next time you want to use someone as an example for lazy, disinterested attitudes of the popular press.  And rather than sully the good name of all Essex based manual labourers, why not say “if X was a doctor on holiday who irresponsibly and criminally neglected their basic parenting duties then the media would be all over it” or what about “if X was a white girl who killed a child through negligence right after a black man was acquitted of a murder he clearly did then the media would be all over it”.  Those two would be far more appropriate when getting your point across…

That is all…